Thoughts on a Decade Without Alcohol
This week’s:
Affirmation: I am confident in my choices and do not need validation from others. My life is mine to live, on my own terms.
Quote: I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself. — Rita Mae Brown
Thoughts on a Decade Without Alcohol
This one is a bit more personal than I usually write, but I recently had dinner with some new acquaintances. As we placed our orders, the inevitable question came: “Why aren’t you drinking?”
I explained, as I always do, that I haven’t had a drink in ten years. They quickly did the math and realised I stopped drinking at 18. So naturally, the follow-up question came: “What happened?”
I smiled and gave my usual response: “Nothing bad ever happened. It just wasn’t for me.”
They looked at me with polite skepticism, as if they were waiting for a more dramatic explanation. But the truth is, there was no rock bottom moment, no disastrous night that made me quit. I just realised early on that alcohol didn’t add anything positive to my life, so I chose to let it go.
Why Is Not Drinking Still a Topic of Discussion?
That dinner conversation made me reflect on why choosing not to drink is still such a point of curiosity. If I had ordered a glass of non-alcoholic wine instead of my preferred water, would there have been fewer questions? Would it have been more socially acceptable? Why do we live in a world where declining alcohol requires an explanation, but drinking does not?
When I first stopped drinking, some people in my then-friend group told me outright that I couldn’t join them anymore. “What’s the point?” they asked. “You’ll be no fun.” At 18, that stung.
At university, I was lucky to find friends who never judged me for my choice. They invited me to everything, and never made me feel different. But dating was a whole different story. “Why aren’t you drinking?” was always one of the first questions. Some people suggested I take just one drink to “make it less awkward.” Some were simply curious. Others seemed to wonder if something was wrong with me.
When I started working in finance—a field notoriously known for its drinking culture—I quickly realised I didn’t fit in there either. At first, I was invited to afterwork drinks and parties. But after a few rounds of refusing alcohol and declining to split the bill equally with people who ordered several rounds of drinks and shots (since I wasn’t drinking), the invitations stopped coming. At company events, senior members jokingly called me “the girl who doesn’t drink.” I was clearly the odd one out.
These experiences reinforced what I had already felt for years: choosing sobriety makes you different. And for some reason, people are deeply uncomfortable with differences.
The Changing Narrative Around Alcohol
Over the past ten years, I’ve fortunately started to notice a shift. More people and media outlets are discussing the benefits of quitting alcohol. Research continues to highlight its negative effects. There’s a growing awareness around mindful drinking and the sober-curious movement. Slowly, society seems to be questioning the automatic acceptance of alcohol.
Yet, despite this progress, the questions still come. I try to practice the Let Them Theory—let them ask, let them be curious, let them react however they want. But I still wonder: will the questions ever stop? Why do I always owe an explanation for not drinking? If I told people I don’t smoke, no one would bat an eye. If I said I had quit smoking, people would congratulate me. But quitting alcohol? That just raises eyebrows.
What I Wish People Understood
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past decade, it’s that people’s reactions to my sobriety have very little to do with me. They have everything to do with their own relationship with alcohol. Some feel guilty. Some feel defensive. Some simply don’t know how to process a choice that’s different from their own.
So, if I could offer a few thoughts, here’s what I wish people understood:
Less Judgment, More Acceptance – Just because someone makes a different life choice doesn’t mean it’s a judgment on yours. I’m not drinking, but that doesn’t mean I think you shouldn’t either.
Practice the Let Them Theory – Let people make their choices. Let them live their lives. Worry less about what others are doing and focus on what’s in your control.
Show More Kindness and Understanding – Everyone’s situation is different. Some people choose sobriety for personal reasons. Others for health reasons. Some because they’ve had a painful history with alcohol. You don’t always need to know why. Just respect their choice.
Looking Ahead
I no longer feel the need to justify my decision. I know it was right for me. I know it has shaped me into the person I am today. And most importantly, I know that living life fully, with clarity, intention, and authenticity, is far more rewarding than any drink could ever be.
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